Roast My Browsing History

Your browser remembers. Now it has opinions.

Ever wonder what your browser history says about you? Roast My Browsing History analyzes your local browsing data and delivers a sharp, personalized roast — the kind a very well-informed friend might give you if they could see every tab you've ever opened at 2 AM. No judgment. Well, some judgment. All of it funny. --- HOW IT WORKS Click the toolbar icon and the extension reads your browsing history directly from Chrome — on your device, in your browser, going nowhere. It crunches your patterns, assigns you a browsing personality archetype, and generates a roast report built entirely from your own stats. --- YOUR ARCHETYPE You'll be assigned one of 18 personality types based on your actual habits: - The 2 AM Spelunker — peak activity after midnight - The Reload Goblin — F5 is your love language - The Doomscroll Devotee — keeping the social media economy afloat - The Link Rabbit — the URL bar is decorative at this point - The Retail Therapist — your cart has feelings too - The Research Spiral — started with one question, ended up understanding 14th century grain trade - The GitHub Haunter — 60 starred repos, zero pull requests - The Discourse Correspondent — not doomscrolling, monitoring the cultural conversation ...and more, each with a custom blurb written specifically for your browsing pattern. --- THE ROAST REPORT The full report page goes deeper: - Hour-of-day bar chart — see exactly when you're most active (and most unproductive) - Top domains — your most-visited sites ranked, with visit counts - Most-revisited URLs — that one page you keep going back to. You know the one. - Top search queries — the things you've been asking the internet in private - Session analysis — your longest unbroken browsing session, your most cursed late-night one - Social media breakdown — how much of your soul each platform claims - Shopping site visits — quantified evidence for your wallet's restraining order - Roast lines — personalized one-liners pulled from your actual numbers --- TIME WINDOW Analyze 7, 30, 90, or 365 days of history. Choose how far back you want to look. Choose how much you want to know about yourself. --- COMPLETELY PRIVATE This is not a data collection tool dressed up as a joke. It is genuinely, verifiably private: - Zero network requests. Open DevTools -> Network while using it. You'll see nothing go out. - No storage. Nothing is written to chrome.storage, localStorage, or anywhere else. All data lives in memory and disappears the moment you close the popup or tab. - One permission: history. No tabs, no cookies, no webRequest, no access to page content. - No accounts, no sign-up, no tracking. Install it, use it, uninstall it — we never knew you were there. Your browsing history never leaves your browser. The roast stays between you and your CPU. --- OPEN SOURCE The full source code is available on GitHub. Read exactly what runs on your machine before you install it. Privacy policy: https://suramyavns.github.io/roaster-coaster/privacy.html --- Your browser has been watching. Now it has opinions.